In it he says

"This is certainly an interesting proposal, and I am sure Lemmy would liven things up quite a bit in the House of Lords. the odd live performance of Ace of Spades would certainly blow the cobwebs away"

A handwritten PS says "I'd love to meet him..."

I'm sure he would, Lemmy is a very interesting person to talk to. Perhaps if Cameron is lucky Samantha will put a copy of Lemmy's biography, White Line Fever, in his Christmas stocking.

I very much enjoyed Cameron's letter it shows he's taken some time and thought about what to say, which is far more than Boredom Groan did.

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Personally I think they are much better than the bags because you can do this

Yep plant the sod on its side and just sweep the leaves into it, takes about ten minutes to fill it then its done for the week. No trouble with bloody foxes pulling the bags open looking for bits of crust or fruit and it all gets recycled.

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Vetman pokes me about an puts a cold fing on me chest then he sez I is much better, no mor flaky skin, so I'z can haz me trumpet off so whenz we getz home off it comz.

So now I canz get bak to givin me self that Brazilian.

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Four Great Religious Truths

During these serious and trying times, people of all faiths should
remember these four great religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Christ as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian world.

4. Mennonites do not recognize each other at Hooters or the Liquor Store.

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OK Gordon we will stick to the government's approved approach (the one that has worked so well since the 1970s) of spouting a load of hysterical scare mongering drivel that most people don't believe because its so blatantly nonsense - just to keep the Daily Mail off your back.

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customer-don't-care-a-bit-thanks | peter-cushing-must-have-needed-the-money | let-the-train-cause-the-strain

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Now Boredom Groan has weighed in saying "It's right to say that drugs can cause such damage, particularly when dealers are pushing drugs on young people and making them victims of a cruel trade"

So its right to spread hysterical nonsense that will make youngsters think that everything the government says about drugs is rubbish to stop them buying drugs from criminals? Sorry that is just daft, when I was a teenager I was told all kinds of bollocks about how smoking a bit of dope would inevitably lead to heroin and death in the gutter. It didn't stop me trying things at the time or thinking that most adults were idiots who just reiterated nonsense they could not back up from personal experience. If anything the idea that "responsible grown ups" like parents, teachers and politicians didn't approve just made us want to do it all the more, just the same as their attitudes to loud music, sex, smoking and drinking made those things cool too.

So Gordon Brown is talking out of his arse to suggest that by sending out a strong message young people will be put off using drugs. Politicians just don't get it that people can tell when they are being peddled half truths and lies.

As to making youngsters victims of a cruel trade all I can say is present government policy is driving them into the arms of criminals who do not discriminate on the grounds of age and have a vested interest in encouraging the use of more dangerous addictive drugs. Government policy clearly isn't working anyway, as despite the millions of pounds worth of seizures their PR people blurt on about there are still dealers out there doing very well from the trade. Millions of people across all classes are still using drugs for leisure purposes despite the government's hardline policy so why not bring it out in the open and decriminalise soft drugs so supply can be licensed, regulated and taken out of the hands of organised criminals.

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The exhibition is divided up into Hammer Horrors (Dracula, Frankenstein etc) Sci-Fi (Quatermass), Thrillers and Glamour (Maddy Smith, Barbara Shelley and Raquel Welch in that fur bikini from One Million Years BC) and it brought back many fond memories tinged with a little sadness when I read that the lovely Julie Ege (star of Creatures the World Forgot and The Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires) had died last year at the age of 64. I used to have a poster of her in Creatures the World Forgot on my bedroom wall when I was about 13.

Here is Lee as Dracula from the restored original 1958 version

The Idea Generation Gallery is a pig to find though, so print out the map from their website, closest tubes are Liverpool Street and Old Street

More details here

http://mediacentre.ideageneration.co.uk/2009/10/14/hammer-festival/

Big thanks to Mark for putting me on the guest list.

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Its really just a puff for for that new film version of A Christmas Carol with the world's least funny Canadian playing all the ghosts so no wonder they look a bit shit!

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"It is important that the Government's messages on drugs are clear and as an adviser you do nothing to undermine the public understanding of them. As my lead adviser on drugs harms I am afraid the manner in which you have acted runs contrary to your responsibilities."

So what Johnson is in effect saying is that we paid you for advice, but it wasn't what we wanted to hear so clear your desk. Seems about right for Nu Labour "We know better than you even if we are not scientists"

I read some interesting stuff today about how young people grow up to distrust the government when they are subjected to the general hysteria about drugs that millions of people use for recreational purposes with little negative side effect compared to the damage caused by smoking and drinking. Now I'm not saying that's the whole reason young people distrust the government, many politicians have not exactly covered themselves with glory with their recent expense claims for example.

I'm also not saying that all drugs are harmless, but to put things in proportion there are many things that people do that are potentially injurious to health including contact sports, flying, rock climbing, riding motorbikes etc but these are not forced underground. It is my contention that criminalising drug use makes the problem worse, lets bring it out in the open where people who want drugs can by them from licensed premises where they are not cut with harmful chemicals and they can get advice from the pharmacist on how to use them in a (more) responsible manner. Illegal drug dealers don't care who they sell stuff to so lets take them out of the equation altogether.

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Read it here if you want to

http://www.simonseeks.com/travel-guides/paris-ernest-hemingway-bar-crawl__118218

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"You have a letter from the Prime Manager's office" he said his eye stalk taking in next door's For Sale notice "I see no one is interested in buying next door still" he added.

"Well the local paper did put that mystery tear in the time space continuum that their shed disappeared through on the front page" I replied. "Along with the strange circle you left on their lawn when you executed that last emergency temporal shift"

"Yeah thanks for for keeping mum about that"

"Anyway I thought you lot were on strike"

"I'm not union"

"Oh I didn't realise, what about the pickets"

"I exterminated them, c'mon open it obey"

so

Dear Shipscook

I am writing on behalf of the PM to thank you for your recent letter, in which you propose Lemmy for an honour.

I should explain that the PM himself does not have have a direct role in putting names forward for consideration, blah blah write to: Honours and Appointments Secretariat, Cabinet Office, Admiralty Arch, Southside, The Mall, London, SW1A 2WH.

I suppose wee Gordon is still trying to decide what kind of biscuit to have with his morning coffee so fair enough I can do that.

But then I got to thinking if the PM does not have a role in the selection process who did propose all of B.Liars mates then? And does that also mean that Call me Dave will have to find someone other than himself to nominate Kirsty Allsop. And then what happens if she does not like the wallpaper, wants to sell up and move?

Imagine a cabinet meeting for the future Tory Government

Call me Dave: "Bloody Hell lads what can we do Boredom Groan has left us all in the shit with not a penny more to give to our rich friends in the city"

Baroness Kirsty "I know whay don't we sell this drafty old place and relocate to somewhere nice and warm like Bulgaria's Black Sea coast"

George Osbourn: "Brilliant then we can use the left over cash to prop up the banks so they can afford to dish out huge bonus payments to all of us with non-executive directorships"

All "Hoorah! Second home in the sun on expenses, all round"

Call me Dave: "What do you think Lord Kilmister of Leamington?"

Lemmy (for it is he):

And all my promises are lies, all my love is hate
I am the politician, and I decide your fate

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"The force is strong in this one Obi wan"

"Indeed Master"

"Oi get that bus out"

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http://www.simonseeks.com/travel-guides/amsterdam-taking-easy-way-round__118140#comment-1386

I must admit I thought the editor's comment a little patronising about a lack of passion in the writing as it is only supposed to be a narrative about what three middle aged people did in Amsterdam, with a few tips for travelers not a piece of campaigning journalism by John Pilger.

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The same can be said for Peter Hain's attempt to prevent Griffin from appearing on Question Time. As someone who was prominent in the fight against South African Apartheid I'm surprised that he can't see the irony in his attempt to gag Griffin's right to free speech just because he disagrees with him, or am I? It seems to me that despite their "right on" revolutionary past many of Labour Lite's leading lights are about as pro-freedom of expression as Joe Stalin. The way in which our right to protest has been curtailed and the attempted imposition of ID cards are just a few pieces of evidence of how the former left wing radicals are attempting to "manage" every aspect of our lives.

Hopefully Griffin will make an idiot of himself tonight but the only way to defeat the likes of the BNP is to bring the evil and downright sillyness of their ideas to the front and have people debate them in an open forum. Banning people from expressing these opinions will give them a cachet of dangerous glamour and encourage idiots that being a member of the BNP is somehow cool.

That's not what we want is it.

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http://www.simonseeks.com/travel-guides/dachshunds-and-dragons-krakow__117887

In other news I hear that that in the interests of breaking BAA's monopoly they have sold Gatwick to the company that runs London City Airport effectively creating a duopoly. The new owners promise to reduce the queues at security. Well I won't hold my breath.

Also the new body scanners at Manchester Airport that apparently allow security staff to see you virtually naked won't be used on children according to the airport's publicity people. Just as well we all know loony suicide bombers would never dream of using children to achieve their aims.

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First the story about how the Pope plans to make it easier for old farts from the Anglican community who can't handle women or gay priests to come over to the church of Rome. Apparently even married Anglican clergy will be welcome, despite the Catholic vows on priestly celibacy. Bloody hell they will be getting Club Card Points to come over next.

Next up Gordon Brown is a bit worried that the new get tough on parliamentary expenses regime will put people off becoming MPs. Well bloody good job I say if it puts off people who think being an MP is the key to fiddling a fortune out of the tax payer. They get paid over £64,000 plus legit expenses, that's more than adequate for anyone.

Incidentally my local MP just got nabbed by Call me Dave for avoiding Capital Gains Tax after flipping her London pad for her constituency home. Thing that puzzles me though is why does an MP with a constituency on the London Tube need a central London Home anyway?. Even if the house sits all night a cab out here won't cost her more than £50 and she can ex that.

Oh yeah then there's Boris Island Airport. Frankly its a fucking stupid idea. Build an environmentally unfriendly Airport in the middle of bloody nowhere and then have to build all the infrastructure it will need like transport links, power and flood defences. I'm sorry to say Boris that the answer to our air transport needs is not another airport in a stupid place, but more sensible use of the five we have in the London area, plus high speed rail links with affordable fares to places like, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Manchester, Paris, Amsterdam and other places in Northern Europe to get some of the folks off planes.

Still no news from Boredom Groan or call me Dave about Lemmy's knighthood

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Dear Mr Cameron

I read with interest about your ideas for pepping up the upper chamber with a few well placed celebrities including the lovely Kirstie Allsop and Sir Tim Berners Lee. It would certainly make a change from all those fusty lawyers and boring businessmen.

I would like to suggest the following individual be added to your list for a peerage. Mr Lemmy Kilmister from Motörhead. As you know doubt are aware Mr Kilmister has been bringing happiness to millions of people on the music scene for over 40 years now. His influence upon the development of rock music in the later quarter of the last century is immense and through his work he has created both jobs and opportunities for business. He is also an erudite speaker with forthright opinions on a number of issues.

You may be aware that last year a petition was sent to Gordon Brown urging that the great man be given a knighthood. Despite this popular support (1415 people have signed up to the group on Facebook for example) Gordon Brown has chosen to ignore this. If you are truly serious about making a change to the composition of the House of Lords I believe Mr Kilmister would be a far more popular choice than for example representatives from the world of banking who are generally perceived by the public to be responsible for the dire economic situation we find ourselves in today.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Lots of love

Shipscook

Well maybe the lots of love bit didn't make it to the final edit, but lets see what sort of reply I get, he he.

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What a vile piece of prejudiced opinion, even by the standards of the Daily Mail.

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Of course this means that Call me Dave's cabinet could be full of famous faces (well lets face it there are not that many lookers in the Parliamentary Conservative Party).

So I'm upping the ante here Call me Dave, while I wait to hear about a knighthood for Lemmy from Boredom Groan, make Lemmy a peer, go on it will be a much more popular choice than the normal slew of bankers who don the ermine robes.

Go on I dare you.

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"would you like Pneumonia?" says the nurse

"Er OK"

Slight fluey feeling this morning

On the tube this morning ow ow ow ow ow ow, just how many people can rub up against me?

In work forget about jab and test loo door with should door to make sure its locked and won't come open when a gnat pulls on it. OW

Have personal development interview zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

In other news have written to Gordon Brown suggesting knighthood for Lemmy in New Year's Honours

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see this from 2008

http://www.number10.gov.uk/Page14958

Write now to

Gordon Brown
10 Downing Street
London
SW1A

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So I was a bit stumped by this task.

Then I thought of this

but was that too predictable? Maybe so how about this?

difficult eh? fuck it lets have some mayhem

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you can read it here if you want

http://www.simonseeks.com/travel-guides/comedy-history-and-culture-edinburgh-august__117273

even if it is a bit late!

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Look at this cheeky fellow, we saw him in the park behind the William Morris Gallery in Walthamstow, he and his girlfriend even came to beg for food as the Canada Geese had mistaken the paper bag I had for one full of old bread instead of the biography of Jane Morris I had just bought. There were also some ducks who had been digging in the soil judging by their mucky beaks.

This is the house that the Morris family moved to when William's father died and they were plunged into a particularly Victorian middle class idea of poverty.

Its now a museum all about the great designer and socialist and its free to get in. There is lots of interesting stuff like chalk and graphite roughs for stained glass, wallpaper printing blocks and books from the Kelmscott Press.

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Having said that he is loads better than that inbred idiot he replaced and seems a really likable bloke.

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It seems that the ships are waiting for the price of oil to rise before delivering their cargo and under customs regulations the sailors are only allowed duty free booze and fags while the ship is physically being unloaded not while it is waiting.

I don't know what I find more shocking that fact that someone can be bothered to enforce such petty regulations on the poor sods stuck on the ships or that ship owners are allowed to leave a ship load of potential environmental pollution just of our coast at the whims of the financial markets. What with winter coming up with the added risk of bad weather surely the government should be saying off load this stuff now, not denying the crews a little solace as "Its a matter of revenue protection."

Also I see that UK Xenophobia Department UKBA are planning to offer a fast track through immigration queues to people without a chipped passport for about £50 a year. er if they can do that why do we need chips in our passports?

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