Ceridwenscauldron

I went to the opening night of the Hammer Festival at the Idea Generation Gallery in Shoreditch. It was brilliant as there were lots of photographs and posters from the Hammer Horror films that I grew up watching. And some great new in that the company is now back in production and their first new film The Resident will be out next year starring Christopher Lee who received his long overdue knighthood today.

The exhibition is divided up into Hammer Horrors (Dracula, Frankenstein etc) Sci-Fi (Quatermass), Thrillers and Glamour (Maddy Smith, Barbara Shelley and Raquel Welch in that fur bikini from One Million Years BC) and it brought back many fond memories tinged with a little sadness when I read that the lovely Julie Ege (star of Creatures the World Forgot and The Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires) had died last year at the age of 64. I used to have a poster of her in Creatures the World Forgot on my bedroom wall when I was about 13.

Here is Lee as Dracula from the restored original 1958 version

The Idea Generation Gallery is a pig to find though, so print out the map from their website, closest tubes are Liverpool Street and Old Street

More details here

http://mediacentre.ideageneration.co.uk/2009/10/14/hammer-festival/

Big thanks to Mark for putting me on the guest list.

Well fuck me if the Christmas lights are not up in Oxford Street

Its really just a puff for for that new film version of A Christmas Carol with the world's least funny Canadian playing all the ghosts so no wonder they look a bit shit!

I see Home Secretary Alan Johnson has sacked his Drugs Advisor Professor Stephen Nutt over his recent statements about the reclassification of cannabis and the harmful effects of booze and fags compared to Ecstasy and LSD. The former Postman's union boss said:

"It is important that the Government's messages on drugs are clear and as an adviser you do nothing to undermine the public understanding of them. As my lead adviser on drugs harms I am afraid the manner in which you have acted runs contrary to your responsibilities."

So what Johnson is in effect saying is that we paid you for advice, but it wasn't what we wanted to hear so clear your desk. Seems about right for Nu Labour "We know better than you even if we are not scientists"

I read some interesting stuff today about how young people grow up to distrust the government when they are subjected to the general hysteria about drugs that millions of people use for recreational purposes with little negative side effect compared to the damage caused by smoking and drinking. Now I'm not saying that's the whole reason young people distrust the government, many politicians have not exactly covered themselves with glory with their recent expense claims for example.

I'm also not saying that all drugs are harmless, but to put things in proportion there are many things that people do that are potentially injurious to health including contact sports, flying, rock climbing, riding motorbikes etc but these are not forced underground. It is my contention that criminalising drug use makes the problem worse, lets bring it out in the open where people who want drugs can by them from licensed premises where they are not cut with harmful chemicals and they can get advice from the pharmacist on how to use them in a (more) responsible manner. Illegal drug dealers don't care who they sell stuff to so lets take them out of the equation altogether.

I have just had another travel guide published, this time about our crawl around Hemingway's Paris

Read it here if you want to

http://www.simonseeks.com/travel-guides/paris-ernest-hemingway-bar-crawl__118218

We had fog last night for the first time in ages and when I left the house this morning all the spider's webs were covered in dew, the pictures don't really do them justice but they were mighty pretty

Dalek Sek was excited.

"You have a letter from the Prime Manager's office" he said his eye stalk taking in next door's For Sale notice "I see no one is interested in buying next door still" he added.

"Well the local paper did put that mystery tear in the time space continuum that their shed disappeared through on the front page" I replied. "Along with the strange circle you left on their lawn when you executed that last emergency temporal shift"

"Yeah thanks for for keeping mum about that"

"Anyway I thought you lot were on strike"

"I'm not union"

"Oh I didn't realise, what about the pickets"

"I exterminated them, c'mon open it obey"

so

Dear Shipscook

I am writing on behalf of the PM to thank you for your recent letter, in which you propose Lemmy for an honour.

I should explain that the PM himself does not have have a direct role in putting names forward for consideration, blah blah write to: Honours and Appointments Secretariat, Cabinet Office, Admiralty Arch, Southside, The Mall, London, SW1A 2WH.

I suppose wee Gordon is still trying to decide what kind of biscuit to have with his morning coffee so fair enough I can do that.

But then I got to thinking if the PM does not have a role in the selection process who did propose all of B.Liars mates then? And does that also mean that Call me Dave will have to find someone other than himself to nominate Kirsty Allsop. And then what happens if she does not like the wallpaper, wants to sell up and move?

Imagine a cabinet meeting for the future Tory Government

Call me Dave: "Bloody Hell lads what can we do Boredom Groan has left us all in the shit with not a penny more to give to our rich friends in the city"

Baroness Kirsty "I know whay don't we sell this drafty old place and relocate to somewhere nice and warm like Bulgaria's Black Sea coast"

George Osbourn: "Brilliant then we can use the left over cash to prop up the banks so they can afford to dish out huge bonus payments to all of us with non-executive directorships"

All "Hoorah! Second home in the sun on expenses, all round"

Call me Dave: "What do you think Lord Kilmister of Leamington?"

Lemmy (for it is he):

And all my promises are lies, all my love is hate
I am the politician, and I decide your fate

Anyone ever thought about how much better the Phantom Menace would have been if it had been mashed with On the Buses, after all didn't Natalie Portman's gang look like bus drivers in costumes designed by Jean Paul Gautier

"The force is strong in this one Obi wan"

"Indeed Master"

"Oi get that bus out"

Is now up on the Simonseeks website see it here at

http://www.simonseeks.com/travel-guides/amsterdam-taking-easy-way-round__118140#comment-1386

I must admit I thought the editor's comment a little patronising about a lack of passion in the writing as it is only supposed to be a narrative about what three middle aged people did in Amsterdam, with a few tips for travelers not a piece of campaigning journalism by John Pilger.

No matter how horrible Nick Griffin's policies are,in a democracy he has the right to express them. The people who are protesting outside the BBC also have a right to do so but in my opinion they are only going to present the BNP with the opportunity to deride the left by saying that they are using bully boy tactics to prevent Joe Public from hearing what they have to say.

The same can be said for Peter Hain's attempt to prevent Griffin from appearing on Question Time. As someone who was prominent in the fight against South African Apartheid I'm surprised that he can't see the irony in his attempt to gag Griffin's right to free speech just because he disagrees with him, or am I? It seems to me that despite their "right on" revolutionary past many of Labour Lite's leading lights are about as pro-freedom of expression as Joe Stalin. The way in which our right to protest has been curtailed and the attempted imposition of ID cards are just a few pieces of evidence of how the former left wing radicals are attempting to "manage" every aspect of our lives.

Hopefully Griffin will make an idiot of himself tonight but the only way to defeat the likes of the BNP is to bring the evil and downright sillyness of their ideas to the front and have people debate them in an open forum. Banning people from expressing these opinions will give them a cachet of dangerous glamour and encourage idiots that being a member of the BNP is somehow cool.

That's not what we want is it.

Just seen an ad for Dolphin Bathrooms. What a daft product. They live in the bloody sea.

My guide to Krakow is now up on the Simonseeks website if you want to read it you will find it here

http://www.simonseeks.com/travel-guides/dachshunds-and-dragons-krakow__117887

In other news I hear that that in the interests of breaking BAA's monopoly they have sold Gatwick to the company that runs London City Airport effectively creating a duopoly. The new owners promise to reduce the queues at security. Well I won't hold my breath.

Also the new body scanners at Manchester Airport that apparently allow security staff to see you virtually naked won't be used on children according to the airport's publicity people. Just as well we all know loony suicide bombers would never dream of using children to achieve their aims.

A couple of things tickled me from the papers today

First the story about how the Pope plans to make it easier for old farts from the Anglican community who can't handle women or gay priests to come over to the church of Rome. Apparently even married Anglican clergy will be welcome, despite the Catholic vows on priestly celibacy. Bloody hell they will be getting Club Card Points to come over next.

Next up Gordon Brown is a bit worried that the new get tough on parliamentary expenses regime will put people off becoming MPs. Well bloody good job I say if it puts off people who think being an MP is the key to fiddling a fortune out of the tax payer. They get paid over £64,000 plus legit expenses, that's more than adequate for anyone.

Incidentally my local MP just got nabbed by Call me Dave for avoiding Capital Gains Tax after flipping her London pad for her constituency home. Thing that puzzles me though is why does an MP with a constituency on the London Tube need a central London Home anyway?. Even if the house sits all night a cab out here won't cost her more than £50 and she can ex that.

Oh yeah then there's Boris Island Airport. Frankly its a fucking stupid idea. Build an environmentally unfriendly Airport in the middle of bloody nowhere and then have to build all the infrastructure it will need like transport links, power and flood defences. I'm sorry to say Boris that the answer to our air transport needs is not another airport in a stupid place, but more sensible use of the five we have in the London area, plus high speed rail links with affordable fares to places like, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Manchester, Paris, Amsterdam and other places in Northern Europe to get some of the folks off planes.

Still no news from Boredom Groan or call me Dave about Lemmy's knighthood

If you can't move to that you are a corpse

So for a bit of light entertainment I wrote this

Dear Mr Cameron

I read with interest about your ideas for pepping up the upper chamber with a few well placed celebrities including the lovely Kirstie Allsop and Sir Tim Berners Lee. It would certainly make a change from all those fusty lawyers and boring businessmen.

I would like to suggest the following individual be added to your list for a peerage. Mr Lemmy Kilmister from Motörhead. As you know doubt are aware Mr Kilmister has been bringing happiness to millions of people on the music scene for over 40 years now. His influence upon the development of rock music in the later quarter of the last century is immense and through his work he has created both jobs and opportunities for business. He is also an erudite speaker with forthright opinions on a number of issues.

You may be aware that last year a petition was sent to Gordon Brown urging that the great man be given a knighthood. Despite this popular support (1415 people have signed up to the group on Facebook for example) Gordon Brown has chosen to ignore this. If you are truly serious about making a change to the composition of the House of Lords I believe Mr Kilmister would be a far more popular choice than for example representatives from the world of banking who are generally perceived by the public to be responsible for the dire economic situation we find ourselves in today.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Lots of love

Shipscook

Well maybe the lots of love bit didn't make it to the final edit, but lets see what sort of reply I get, he he.

I just read Jan Moir's Daily Mail piece about that poor lad Stephen Gately.

What a vile piece of prejudiced opinion, even by the standards of the Daily Mail.

I see from the papers that Call me Dave, should he win the next election, is planning to fill the House of Lords with celebs like Kirstie Allsop, hoping to bring a popular touch to the upper house.

Of course this means that Call me Dave's cabinet could be full of famous faces (well lets face it there are not that many lookers in the Parliamentary Conservative Party).

So I'm upping the ante here Call me Dave, while I wait to hear about a knighthood for Lemmy from Boredom Groan, make Lemmy a peer, go on it will be a much more popular choice than the normal slew of bankers who don the ermine robes.

Go on I dare you.

Had flu jab in one arm.

"would you like Pneumonia?" says the nurse

"Er OK"

Slight fluey feeling this morning

On the tube this morning ow ow ow ow ow ow, just how many people can rub up against me?

In work forget about jab and test loo door with should door to make sure its locked and won't come open when a gnat pulls on it. OW

Have personal development interview zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

In other news have written to Gordon Brown suggesting knighthood for Lemmy in New Year's Honours

Gordon Brown has yet again let the great British public down by ignoring a petition to grant Lemmy a knighthood in favour of a few people who can run a bit and the bankers who have ruined the economy

see this from 2008

http://www.number10.gov.uk/Page14958

Write now to

Gordon Brown
10 Downing Street
London
SW1A

I mostly listen to Metal, punk, goth, psycho, country, blues, rock n roll and a bit of 60s Motown, reggae, folk and classical.

So I was a bit stumped by this task.

Then I thought of this

but was that too predictable? Maybe so how about this?

difficult eh? fuck it lets have some mayhem

At last the guys at Simonseeks have approved my travel piece on the Edinburgh festival in August for publication.

you can read it here if you want

http://www.simonseeks.com/travel-guides/comedy-history-and-culture-edinburgh-august__117273

even if it is a bit late!

Look at this cheeky fellow, we saw him in the park behind the William Morris Gallery in Walthamstow, he and his girlfriend even came to beg for food as the Canada Geese had mistaken the paper bag I had for one full of old bread instead of the biography of Jane Morris I had just bought. There were also some ducks who had been digging in the soil judging by their mucky beaks.

This is the house that the Morris family moved to when William's father died and they were plunged into a particularly Victorian middle class idea of poverty.

Its now a museum all about the great designer and socialist and its free to get in. There is lots of interesting stuff like chalk and graphite roughs for stained glass, wallpaper printing blocks and books from the Kelmscott Press.

I'm not knocking the guy, but isn't it a bit early to start dishing out the Nobel Peace Prize to Barrack Obama. He's only been in power a few months and the words are the easy part. It's making things happen that history will judge the guy on and he has got a way to go yet.

Having said that he is loads better than that inbred idiot he replaced and seems a really likable bloke.

I just read a story about how busybodies from the UK Border Agency have been visiting oil tankers moored of the coast and sealing the staff duty free shops.

It seems that the ships are waiting for the price of oil to rise before delivering their cargo and under customs regulations the sailors are only allowed duty free booze and fags while the ship is physically being unloaded not while it is waiting.

I don't know what I find more shocking that fact that someone can be bothered to enforce such petty regulations on the poor sods stuck on the ships or that ship owners are allowed to leave a ship load of potential environmental pollution just of our coast at the whims of the financial markets. What with winter coming up with the added risk of bad weather surely the government should be saying off load this stuff now, not denying the crews a little solace as "Its a matter of revenue protection."

Also I see that UK Xenophobia Department UKBA are planning to offer a fast track through immigration queues to people without a chipped passport for about £50 a year. er if they can do that why do we need chips in our passports?

I was just settling down to watch a rerun of Top Gear with Mab and Old Nick when the doorbell rang.

It was my alcohol dependent friend Spudsey with his mates Rude Bert, Marylebone and Poo. They looked terribly disheveled and were all out of breath.

"Blimey what's happened to you lot?" I asked handing out the the industrial sized bottles of White Lightning.

"Well you know Poo has made a new mate down at the 1000 acre Wyrdwood." Spudsey rasped.

"Yeah I thought it was going to be someone nice and furry" added Rude Bert, "someone who would nick food, chew through electric cables, eat wall paper paste and leave little muddy paw prints at Ma Bobbin's gaff, but smile so sweetly with her big brown eyes that Ma Bobbins wouldn't have the heart to call the council to have her gassed"

"anyway me, the lads and owl was just launching some Poo Sticks off the Bridge at the Babbling Brook when this Grimaldi arrived." rejoined Spudsey

"Grimaldi?" I expostulated

"Yeah I got a picture on me moby" added Rude Bert

"Yeah Grimaldi the Great White" Spudsey explained "and he wasn't very happy about us dropping sticks of Poo in the brook"

"Well I'm not surprised you alcohol sodden stinky old bears, but hang on what happened to owl?"

Rude Bert shuffled on his feet before handing over the phone

So George Osbourne is set to announce a Tory government will raise state retirement age to 66 from 2016.

Fuck right off you Tory bastards I have worked hard for over 30 years on the promise of retirement at 60, already my employer, like many others, has pulled the rug out from under my feet and raised company pension age to 65 and now you want to rob me of yet another year.

So much for the leisure filled years we were promised on Tomorrow's World in the 1960s, yet still there are five million people without jobs. Osbourne you can't make everybody work until they drop if there are not enough jobs to go round already.

See if you can guess who won't get my vote.

I went to Morrisons yesterday, always a profoundly depressing experience, but the only place I can get decent black pudding locally. while I was there I picked up a nice bit of steak (£2.78)and some scallops (£1.79) from their answer to Reducedtoclearman, I knew what I could do with that.

OK into the pan goes some olive oil, a chopped leek, a chopped onion, three smashed garlic cloves, three chopped chilis, two teaspoons of Spanish Pimenton (or paprika), a twist of black pepper, some dried herbs and a few strands of saffron. Then chop up a chorizo sausage into small chunks and chuck this in the pan. Now its important that the chorizo has a bit of time to bleed that lovely oil into the onions as they soften so the flavour can permeate the veg so let that carry on a low heat for a bit.

While that is happening chop up some red and orange peppers into thin sticks and the beef into strips. Ratchet up the heat and chuck the meat and peppers in. Browning the meat won't take long. The scallops take hardly any time to cook either so just chuck them in and give it a stir then chuck in a glass of Spanish brandy for a final sizzle and its ready to serve.

I think if you have more than three people to feed adding a good quality black pudding and serving with say an avocado, coriander and red onion salad would make this even more yummy.

For the spuds I baked some small ones in the oven and made a bravas style sauce for them by frying a small amount of onion in some olive oil and then adding some pimenton, black pepper, sherry, a can of tomato puree and bit of water and letting it simmer down to a paste.

A lot of people don't eat pollack and I can only think that its because the name rhymes with bollock, its a perfectly good white fish that's closely related to the cod and haddock. I use it a lot because its quite cheap.

So whats in the curry then?

Right heat some oil in the pan. Add a splash of sesame oil and a can of anchovy fillets. Throw in a handful of curry leaves, three smashed garlic cloves, four chopped bird's eye chilis and about an inch of chopped ginger. Next is the fun bit, get a hammer and give two stalks of lemon grass a bit of a battering and chuck them in. Then add a chopped leek, an onion and a punnet of chopped mushrooms (I got a pack of chestnuts from Reducedtoclearman for 60p). Give that a bit of a stir with some Thai seven spice seasoning and let it all fry off for a bit.

Then add a good splash of sherry or vermouth (I'd run out of sherry and it works just as well) and a splash of vinegar (Chinese rice vinegar is best) which should lift any caramelised onion sugar from the base of the pan, and then a splash of soy sauce to help the mushrooms give up their liquor.

The pollack fillet can then go in and this will gradually flake apart as it cooks. To this add the juice of a lime, a can of chopped tomatoes and a can of coconut milk. Let it bubble away to reduce the sauce, then chuck in some green beans and the prawns. After a short while hoik out the lemon grass stalks and serve over some rice with a sprinkle of sesame seeds.

Was one of my favourite menu misprints at a cafe in Calais that we used to frequent in the days of the booze cruise. Anyhow yesterday I got some reduced to clear chops and decided to make a warming stew with them.

So into a pan goes the oil, a chopped onion, leek, six cloves of garlic and two chili peppers. Let them sweat a bit then in go the chops to brown off. chuck in some mixed herbs and black pepper then when stuff starts sticking to the pan, deglaze with a glass of red wine and chuck in a can of chopped tomatoes, two chopped carrots, two chopped parsnips and two sliced spuds top up with water and a half a pint of beer (I used a mild). Chuck in a handfull of pearl barley, a good spoonfull of Dijon mustard and a stock cube. Let it cook on a low heat for ages.

Now before serving remove the chops cut off the fat and debone them. Chuck the meat back in for a bit and skim off the fat from the top.

I served this up with some hot ciabadda and a baked Camembert (50p reduced to clear)