"What would you like for tea as Mum's out tonight?" I asks the Moff

"Curry" she says so on the way home I drop anchor at Mr Sainsbury's Emporium and buy some chicken, chick peas and spring onions.

On the way back to Rancho Collapso I spy through the Dolland glass the unmistakable vessels of Thames Water, their crews valiently standing around scratching their arses ands flicking ash into the flooded manhole by the water leak that had been steadily bubbling up through the tarmac in the high street, for weeks now.

Arriving safely home a neighbour tells me we have no water and won't have any for some time. Apparently he asked the workmen what was going on and why considering Thames Water must have planned this work judging from the blue paint they had daubed the pavement with, they hadn't bothered to tell their customers that they would have no water. They said of we don't do that anymore Cheers privatised monopoly.

So faced with no water to wash them I put the spring onions in the fridge.

So oil in pan add some cumin seed let it pop then add one chopped onion, two chopped chili peppers, four cloves of chopped garlic. Once the onion has softened add a teaspoon of chili powder and two of curry powder and give it a stir to coat everything. Chuck in a glass of white wine to deglaze the pan followed by a small pack of chopped chicken, once the meat has sealed add a can of drained chick peas. then realise you have no water to make the stock so out of desperation use that can of coconut milk you had been saving for something else. Let that bubble away on a low heat for about ten minutes then serve on a bed of rice.

I had to use bloody Volvic Bottled Water to boil the rice!