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Archives for: January 2008, 04

Of Wooden Caskets, Lotus Flowers and Sacred Leaves

by Shipscook @ 2008-01-04 - 17:42:54

Stepping once more through the mirror we were propelled into an ornately furnished living room. All around us were signs that the occupant had spent some years in the middle east.

Water colours of Egyptian scenes covered the walls, while a pair of crossed Arabian scimiters occupied the oak panelling immediately above the fire. The mantle piece and every available surface were littered with curios and antiquities looted from inumerable ancient tombs.

Immediately before us sat a swathy individual in a high backed winged chair, wearing a puculiar combination of conventional evening dress and a red tarboosh, smoking a hookah. My immediate thought that this gentlman must be either an Egyptian or a Turk was confirmed by his first utterance.

"Welcome to my humble home gentlemen, I am Kerim Bey, what can I do to help such an illustrious gathering of slueths?" the water bubbled through his pipe as he puffed away.

"Ah mon ami I am most pleased to meet you again" the little Belgian said "I understand that you were recently on flight from Edinburgh to London?"

Bey nodded "yes it was necessary to return here in order to revive my colleague." Laying aside his pipe and stepping out of the chair Bey crossed the room to a brightly painted Pharonic sarcophagus.

"Behold! he cried as he opened the door to reveal the wizened form of a man long dead.

"Kharis was entombed many ceturies ago for daring to love a Princess above his caste, now only that rare conjunction of the stars last night combined with a reading from the ancient Book of the Dead and an infusionn of the sacred tanna leaves can revive him to exact revenge on those who so recklessly plundered her tomb."

"But surely he should be out of his jolly old casket then?" added Broadstairs.

"Curse me for a fool, but I entrusted my Scrolls to Bumsted Airport's baggage handlers and could not retrieve them in time to cast the spell to revive him"

"But what about the tanna leaves?" Holmes asked

"Sod that, have you seen how much they charge for a cup of tea there."


 
 

No wonder I hate airports

by Shipscook @ 2008-01-04 - 00:20:02

Eight fucking hours to get home, many of them in the recently refurbished comfort of Edinburgh Airport. Now for some bizarre reason at Edinburgh BAA have decided to have the interesting shops (like Scottish dept store Jenners and Borders) before you go through security. Once you get through there is only a branch of Dixons and two branches of WH Smith neither of which have a decent book between them.

On the plus side the toilets are not designed to the same requirement to inundate your genitalia with icy cold water when you sit up straight that those at Stansted are. some of them have that quaint olde worlde device called a handle.

I was hoping to write another instalment of the Tardy Baggage tonight but I'm too knackered after our epic journey so will be off to bed in a minute. Blood tests to determine the cause of my hypertension tomorrow so nothing to eat until then.

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