Ever wondered what Planet of the Apes TV would be like? Shipscook takes a peek at a copy of Radio Times Cyber Leader One left in Weird Inc's sophisticated coffee bar.

Hmm lets see whats on tonight

7.00.. Big Brother

Some orang outans throw their own poo about the Big Brother house.

8.00.. Some Monkeys Do Ave Em Christmas Special

Anarchy ensues as Frank (Roddy McDowell) has a bit of trouble with an old car tyre, some rope and superglue, just as his boss, Dr Zaius turns up for a tea party at the Spencer household only to find that Frank's pet human, Taylor has done a whoopsie on the welcome mat, with hilarious consequences.

9.00.. News

All the latest from around the globe with a special report from the Forbidden Zone, plus city prices, weather and sport.

10.00.. Big Brother highlights

A gorilla farts then scratches his arse while a couple of chimps have a wank up a tree.

Not that different then!