As innocent bystanders reel at the shock of the news about the cute little bloodsucker, people have asked
"How come the Nosferatu Andrex Puppy has made a succession of adverts when everybody knows vampires cast no image in mirrors or on film?"
Shipscook asked fearless vampire hunter Kylie Van Helsing.
"Well its all to do with the silver, as you know mirrors have a silver backing and traditional film uses a silver emulsion to capture the image" Miss Van Helsing said, "The Andrex ads are shot on videotape which uses a different form of image capture and of course the same is true of digital cameras like you would have in your telephone."
This naturally has serious consequences for for vampires, so leaving no slab unturned we tracked down the fortunately out of copyright Count Dracula to get his opinion.
"Its a disaster!" the sanguinary Count exclaimed " I used to make a bloody fortune and pull loads of birds, posing for pictures with people making ordinary objects look as if they were levitating. On a good day I could clear a tenner, thats all gone now!"
"Well surely you could carve a career playing yourself on TV?" Cook enquired "Its a great story, what with the Transylvanian castles, ghostly hounds, graveyards and fly eating lunatics."
The saturnine vampire took a break from picking his canines with a cocktail stick to reply "Chance would be a fine thing but all they want is Gary bloody Oldman or Christopher Lee, not a barman from Whitby!"