Ever wondered why the Andrex Puppy never ages.

"He's a vampire, that's why" screams fearless vampire hunter, Brian Van Helsing:
"He never ages and never ventures outside into daylight otherwise he would shrivel into a pile of dust"

News of the cuddly canines secret has come as a blow to thousands of consumers.

Everything is painted brilliant white in here like a Powell and Pressburger colur saturated movie set of heaven - walls, ceilings, anything that does not move. I have a white phone and a white desk.

Whenever I peer over the top of my screen all I can see is the top of Russell's head surrounded by an aura of brilliant white. Has he become a God?