Would the loudest thing in the world be a conversation between Brain Blessed and Barry Scott (he of the Cillet Bang ads) at a Motorhead gig?

"Oi Cookie be you going to tell us how you made those there meatballs" enquired Bosun Gravy, smacking his lips, his beard glistening with the sauce.

"Aye they be right tasty" added saucy wench Tartarre dabbing at a stain on her blouse with her neckerchief.

"And ye kept the folks out there in Blogland, waiting for a day or more to boot", put in Master Surgeon Tripe, arriving fresh from Spudsey's bedside.

"Right this be how its done." answered the handsome chef stroking his fine moustaches with one hand and setting down his martini glass with the other.

This will stretch to three or four hungry pirates.

Wallop the contents of a pack of minced beef (700gms) into a bowl, add a teaspoon of cumin and a good handfull of coarsely chopped fresh coriander. Then separate an egg yoke from the white, set the yoke aside for later and bung the white in. Using your freshly scrubbed hands squidge it all together and form the meat into balls.

Heat some oil in a deep pan with some cumin seeds, as the seeds pop place the meatballs in the oil and brown the outsides, take them out and set aside. Into the pan go a chopped onion, three chopped birdseye chilis and about six chopped garlic cloves, give them a good stir about.

When the onions start to go translucent add a can of chopped tomatoes (14p at the supermarket, absolutely fine) and to intensfy the tomato flavour add a can of tomato puree. Finish Gin Gibson, eat the little gin soaked pickled onion, then crack open a bottle of Asahi Extra Dry(50p thank you Reduced-to-clear-man, sod Batman, he's Cook's favourite superhero). Glug, glug.

Add a bloody good squeeze of harissa paste, now you can get this in many supermarkets but if you can find an Arab or Asian grocer you can get the real thing for about 60p a tube, rather than the rip off supermarket price. And while you are thee you might as well stock up with bargain spices too.

Quarter a lemon, squeeze in the juice and then add the quarters to the sauce. To balance the flavours add a tablespoon of honey, give it a big stir then place the meatballs back in the pan, if you need to add some water to keep it moist and let it simmer away for twenty minutes of so, while you make the cous cous.

Right to make the cous cous is easy. Cous cous in the pan add enough boiling water to cover it and leave it alone for a couple on minutes. Fluff it up with the fork check its edible, add some more water if you need to. Bung a knob of butter in a give it a stir. To make it a bit more interesting I added some chopped dates and dried herbs, (many North African dishes like to combine sweet and savoury flavours). You could also use raisins, dried apricots, prunes, flaked almonds, whatever you fancy.

Ok to finish off the meatballs add to the pan some more freshly chopped coriander and the egg yoke, add six more eggs and let them poach in the sauce. When the eggs are ready, plate up the meatballs on the cous cous and serve with a delightfully chilled white Sicilian wine from Sainsbury (at £2.99 a bottle). You might want to discard the cooked out lemon quarters before someone eats them!

Music, as mentioned before Raising Sand by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss to cook to, then maybe some Afro-Celts