The plan had been for Bosun Gravy to row me down to the shops in the jolly boat where we could get some nice monkfish or salmon, but once we got past the "back to school" cut-outs we discovered that there must have been a run (or should that be a swim?) on fish as there was bugger all in the shop.

Spying a notice in the veg dept Bosun Gravy said "It say there be "availability issues" with the veg Cook, caused by much of the UK being underwater recently"

"What kind of tosh is that Mr Sainsbury?" says Cook "What ye be meaning is that the recent weather problems have led to some veg being is short supply after all veg don't have issues themselves"

"Must be the effects of a terrible diesease" quoth Master Surgeon Tripe who fancied a day out with Cook and Gravy, and so had tagged along.

"Management speak, once it gets a grip the poor swabs can't speak their native tongue no more, they can only speak in buzzwords, stupid analogies and slogans that mangle the English language. Other symptons include a burning desire to own a Lexus, a fascination with spreadsheets, annual reports and appraisals, and enjoying meetings and team building exercises instead of doing any work"

"In the worst case you end up imagining that people like attending conferences and listening to a load of bollocks for hours on end only broken by pointless and humiliating role play exercises"

So I bought some chicken, slim green beans, mushrooms and coconut milk instead.

So heat some oil in a pan,not to hot to start with and lob in some chopped ginger (about a square inch) six chopped chilis, a chopped onion, two stems of bruised lemon grass (put it in bag and wallop it with a hammer), and six chopped garlic cloves. Let it fry away till the onions are translucent.

Bung in as you go two chicken breasts chopped into chunks, some chopped coriander, about a teaspoon of Thai seven spice seasoning and a punnet of sliced mushrooms. When the meat is sealed bung in a slug of sherry to deglaze the pan and then a can of coconut milk. Let that cook away on a low heat for about ten minutes adding some trimmed slim beans as you go and giving it a bit of a stir now and again so it don't stick to the pan.

Take out the lemon grass stems and serve on a bed of rice with a nice Catalonian rose wine while listening to Vernian Process, Willie Nelson, Motorhead, Laibach, Bad Company, the Mission, All About Eve,Robert Plant, Alice Cooper, Frijid Pink and the Who

Then finish it off with some Ben and Jerrie's Fish Food
Sloe Gin and coffee.