Twice now on my way into work I have passed Shoreditch Town Hall and witnessed a long queue of girlies at the door being filmed by some fellow with a steady cam.

What's up? I thought.

Well in the world of Cook they are lining up in the hope of securing a role in the latest West end musical to feature the hits of some rubbish band from the 1970s. My bet is its Lieutenant Pigeon's Mouldy Old Dough - the story of a brave carrier pigeon plucked from obscurity and groomed by Simon Cowell to become a pop superstar sensation, who at the height of his fame tragically ends up being drugged and concealed in a Waitrose reduced to clear spicy bean and tofu wrap by the wicked Lemmy who then feeds him to hungry Ozzy Osbourne. There won't be a dry seat in the house!

Book by Irvine Welsh, directed by Ken Russell with Mouldy Old dough and all of Lieutenant Pigeon's other hits like er Mouldy Old Dough

I had read about a third of this before I realised it was written for kids, which I guess is pretty cool. Starts of with a dead man coming back home for his dinner and then taking the dog for a walk, bet the dog never saw that coming.

As the story unfolds it takes in a mysterious 19th Century department of the British Museum headed up by Sir William Protheroe, that looks after all the artefacts no one can explain like vampire's teeth and werewolf skins. No vampires or werewolves, but there is a crazed scientist who wants to take over the world with his Victorian dinosaur cyborgs.

Its up to the museum's clock restoring hero George Archer, pickpocket Eddie, love interest Liz and Sir William to save the day. If you can imagine a 19th century Jurassic Park coliiding with Frankenstein and the Terminator you are halfway there.

I thoughty it started really well, but then struggled to keep the pace and the original ideas coming as it went on.

Burning question why did I buy it, well funky title, a steam-punky storyline and of course the illustration of a dinosaur on the book jacket clinched it.

What a busy day.

The Ships' cats got me out of bed by nuzzling, elbow nibbling and bed bombing eventually Mrs F could not stand it any longer so she woke me up! I took the little sods downstairs gave em some cat grub and made smoked salmon and cream cheese paninis and coffee for everybody.

Then had a crafty read of Mike Moorcock's Multiverse downstairs on the sofa while everybody used the bathroom. After one of the Moff's University pals turned up we went for a drink in the Victoria followed by a curry at the Cafe Spice. Super set Sunday lunch with plenty of choice for £9.99.

We lazed away the afternoon in the garden before popping along to Islington where a certain SciFi and Horror author and film critic had invited us to an afternoon party. First time I had been to his flat and Mrs F was amazed to discover that someone has an even bigger collection of old books and stuff than me. Anyway we stayed for about an hour then went to ransom the car back from the multistory in Upper Street. On the way there I needed a pee so we went into the Bull where I enjoyed a refreshing pint of Fruli, a Belgian beer brewed with strawberries - it was gorgeous.

Then on the way home we stopped near my office and had a lamb doner and chips at Best Kebab in Old Street, £10 for the pair of us with chips and drinks and it was not only very tasty with good presentation, but also massive. Top value if you should come to London and find yourself in Old Street pay the boys at Best Kebab a visit. Mind you I can't imagine why you'd come to London to visit Old Street.

All this and home in time to see Sharpe giving those Frenchies what for too.

OK I know its been a couple of weeks since we got back, but here are my holiday reading recommendations.

Giants of the Frost by Kim Wilkins

Victoria Scott gets a job at an isolated Norwegian weather station in the Arctic. Little does she realise its a gateway to the world of the Norse Gods, she is the reincarnated love of Odin's son Vidar and Odin doesn't like it one bit. Not a bad read from the Aussie horror writer with some nice creatures taken out of Norse mythology. Thought the heroine was a bit drippy though, Pinafore dresses in a horror story I ask you?

Murder on the Leviathon by Boris Akunin

Second murder mystery featuring the Russian detective Erast Fandorin. A collector of Indain antiquities in 19th century Paris is bludgeoned to death, all of his staff have been poisoned with morphine, a silk scarf is missing. The only clue a gold whale brooch issued only to 1st Class passengers on the first voyage of the SS Leviathan. The story of how Fandorin unravels the mystery is told in the journals of the Leviathan's passengers. Clever story, if a bit derivative of others in the genre and Kipling, but will pass a couple of days by the pool. May have lost something in translation.

Captain Alatriste by Arturo Perez-Reverte

Spain's one man answer to the three musketeers overturns a plot by the inquisition to murder Prince Charles Stuart and the Duke of Buckingham as Charles woos the King of Spain's daughter. A rip roaring adventure, plenty of intrigue and action with some very nicely drawn villains

The Last Kingdom and Lords of the North by Bernard Cornwell

I read these back to back. Uhtred is the son of a Saxon noble whose family are all killed by the Vikings. Uhtred is adopted by the Danish leader and grows up to become a Viking himself. As ever from Cornwell a pair a brilliantly researched books. Uhtred has to make some difficult choices (this does seem to be a bit of a recurring theme with Cornwell's heroes) as he reaches adulthood is he a Saxon or a Dane? The whole story is played out against the background of Alfred the Great's fight back against the Danes and gives a first hand account of several battles and the grisly death of King (St) Edmund. Plenty of action and violence, just the thing to keep a boy happy. Can't wait to read the third part of the trilogy.

The Vampire in Myth and Legend by Montague Summers

Montague Summers was a bit of a nutter. He used to dress and style his hair as an 18th Century Catholic priest and claimed to have been ordained, but there is no record of this being true. The book is a collection of case studies of vampires and similar creatures from all over Europe. Once you get past his ponderous style it contains some interesting stuff.

Yeah I know its a bit of a recipe fraud but the Prawn Curry recipe works just as well with Chicken and it tastes just as fab. To make it do everthing exactly the same except use chopped chicken.

We had it on rice with some Anjou Rose.

It were a dark and stormy night so something was needed to put some fire in the crews bellies.

Bosun Gravy and Cook set sail for the harbour in the jolly boat where we found Mr Sainsbury had jumbo king prawns at half price (220gms for £2.99)

"Arr the Capt and leading wench Mrs F be rightly partial to a prawn or two" remarked Bosun Gravy as he took a sneaky lick of the cat,

"Just you wait you scurvy cur, I'll shit in yer burgoo, yer hammock and yer seaboots" said the soggy cat, as the Bosun stuffed him back into his ditty bag.

So we pillaged two packs of prawns, some lemon grass, garlic, chilis, mushrooms, snap peas and onions and rowed back to the Starfish.

No music that night as the powder monkey was watching Dr Who fight the Monster of Peladon. In the galley I emptied a can of anchovies in garlic and olive oil into the pan and added a touch more oil, some Thai seven spice seasoning, a chopped onion, six chopped garlic cloves, six chopped chilis, two bruised lemon grass stems and a chopped cube of fresh ginger root.

I cooked this until the anchovies had turned to paste then added a punnet of sliced mushrooms and sprinkled them with soy sauce to bring out the liquor and the snap peas. A couple of minutes later in went two packs of prawns and a good slug of sherry and it got a good stir. I then added about a pint of water an inch of concentrated coconut cream and a chicken stock cube and let it boil away to reduce the sauce a bit. Total cooking time was about 15 minutes. Don't forget to hoik out the lemon grass stems, they are too tough to eat.

Served on rice it fed three accompanied with a big bottle of Soave and some Greek brandy.

According to the weekly PR bible PR Week, an agency has compliled a list of the most popular bloggers, Facebook users and YouTube posters in PR and Marketing.

So PR and Marketing people out there Cook likes books, DVDs, music, food and travel.

Well as many of you will have read we took the Powder Monkey to get her ears done today. She was very brave and now has a pair of blue studs to match her eyes. Steph at Metalmorphosis was a real professional and kept the Monkey and the grown ups informed at every stage.

Not like when I had may last piercing. I remember it to the day. We were in Ilford High Street and it was alovely sunny day. Mrs F, Old Nick and I approached the open fronted jewellers who were doing a roaring trade in while you wait earpiercing (Can't see how you can drop them off to collect later though) and first of all Old Nick got a few, then I went to get one in the left ear, (no problem)then a second one for the right. At this point the gun got stuck in my ear lobe and I was left sitting in Ilford High Road with a piercing gun hanging from my ear, blood running down my neck and the shop girl shouting "Tracy it won't come out!" at the top of her voice. well eventually it got sorted out but I still have only one piercing in my right ear, but might think about getting another.

Anyway aside from that the highlights were Krispy Kreme donuts in Selfridges food hall (Ummmmmm Maple glazing) If you are in London have a look, loads of sausages and hams from around the world and a great fish counter.

Followed by lunch at Wong Kei in Wardour Street. Sweet and Sour chicken for me, Chicken Chow Mein for Mrs F, fish and meat balls for Old Nick and Prawns with Cashew nuts for the Monkey. Not brilliant but good standard of food and good value too with a couiple of beers and soft drinks only £29.10, not bad for central London. There are some interesting things on the menu like Intestines on Special Fried Rice, thought better of that, but you are greeted and shown to your table where you are given a complementary pot of Jasmine Tea. Lots of Chinese people (in fact most of the customers were Chinese) eating there too, so recomended.

Aren't our political leaders funny, now they are falling over themselves to admit to smoking dope at university in a frenzy of better fess up before the media find outness. Imagine the Labour Party Press Office:

Spin Dr One: "Well this will make us look trendy for Guardian readers and make us look cool to the kids"

Head of Spin: "Oh blimey none of the Guardian readers support us anymore you idiot, not since we started to erode civil liberties and turn the country into a paranoid police state, what about the Daily Mail readers who actually got us elected",

Spin Dr Two: "Er better say we didn't enjoy it, it was stupid and we regret it now then"

Head of spin: "Brilliant the redtops will fall for that."

Well if they didn't like it why did they do it? Was it because everyone else was doing it? Good to know the country is in the hands of people who succumb so easily to peer pressure, but then we are talking about a bunch of people who just did whatever Tone asked whatever they used to believe in.

Rant over

We got taken to the new Harry Potter film as a reward for being busy little workers the other day.I was a bit sceptical about whether I would enjoy it, as I have never read the books, didn't really like the last film much, hate quidditch (Its sooooooo boring) and can't stand bloody child actors.

However I really enjoyed it, I think because the kids had grown up a bit, the story was a bit dark, there wasn't any bloody quidditch and the grown up actors are very very good especially Alan Rickman.

Won't spoil it for anyone by revealing the plot though.

In other news one of my work pals had a voice mail from Fenella Fielding (OK some of you will be going who, but then you will be too young to remember, Old Nick will know who I mean). Wow she still made me go all wobbly even though she must be over 70 by now. How many fags has she had to smoke to sound like that!

We had this last night. Its easy and quick. Quantity depends upon how many people you are feeding, this does three.

First clean up some small new potatoes to get rid of the black bits, (I used a whole bag I guess about half a pound) then pop them in some boiling water for about 15 minutes. While they are boiling chop up three spring onions (fresh chives are good for this too) and put them in a bowl. Add about 5 large tablespoons of mayonaise (I used Sainsburys French mayonaise)and some freshly ground black pepper give it a stir.

When the spuds are done, drain them, mix them into the mayonaise and set aside. the potatoes will warm the whole thing through while you cook the salmon.

There seems to be a lot of salmon in the supermarkets at the moment so I bought four wild Alaskan salmon fillets for under £6.00 in sainsburys. I thought they had a much bettter colour and had firmer flesh than the Scottish farmed salmon which looked a bit flabby.

So melt a little butter in the pan, then place the salmon skin side down for about three minutes to cook through, then flip it and fry for about another minute to finish off. I choose not to use any herbs as the fish is quite delicious enough on its own.

Then place the fish on a plate with the warm potato salad, some boiled asparagus and a little salad garnish.

Lovely with a bottle of Sainsburys basics Spanish Rose, why pay more than £2.60 for a bottle of wine (that only costs about 70 cents a litre in Spain) on a Monday!

I put this together listening to the Prince CD that was free with the Mail on Sunday.

"You have just got to see the drier in those toilets" my designer buddy says to me in Jamie Oliver's 15 Restaurant "Its worth a waz just to use it"

So I set off and its one of Mr Dyson's air blade driers, where a narrow blade of high pressure hot air has your paws dry in a matter of seconds.

Back to the table and "Blimey you are right, that's amazing" I exclaim.

"Well you know what its like in these exclusive places" says he.

Well come Friday afternoon, I knock off early from work and by the time I get to Walthamstow bus garage realise that I need a wee. So into the gents and strap me, when I go to dry my hands, they have one there too!

Quake in fear Jamie before to long they will be doing lunches too.

Mrs F, Old Nick and I spent a lovely day in Cambridge today where we met Subville. What a lovely lady she is.

first off we visited a couple of colleges including the magnificent Kings College Chapel with its vaulted roof and were lucky enough to have a rehearsal for a choral performance going on while we there, filling the chapel with the most fantastic music, sublime.

Then on to meet Subs for lunch at the Varsity Restaurant. Good Cyprus cuisine we had a meze olives, chilis, houmous, tzatziki, taramousalata, whitebait, squid, halloumi, mousaka, souvlaki and sausage with wine and Greek coffee all for £84 the four of us.

Then on to a boozer for some drinkies and good chinwag, then home.

Smashing

This one was started by my lovely Mrs so who I would want to play Cook in a sitcom.

OH someone like Sean Bean with his tight breeches.

Who would play me well Brain Blessed of course! (Actually not a bad choice after all)

If you are anything like as old as me, have you ever wondered what happened to the comic characters from the 60s and early 70s, like the Steel Claw and Captain Hurricane?

Well I just found out, they were nearly all locked away in a Scottish castle in the 80s. This is revealed in a graphic novel Albion written by Leah Moore and her husband John Reppion (who can no way be old enough to have experienced the comic strips first time round) under the watchful eye of of Leah's dad Alan (who can)

It was a wonderful nostalgia trip for me catching up with the likes of Robot Archie, Charlie Peace and my favourite evil villain Grimly Fiendish. And the illustration was interesting as it varied in style from the typical British comic strips from Smash and the Valiant of the 60's to the dark and brooding contemporary style of today.

I was lucky enough to work with Leah last year and she is a very talented writer as well as a genuinely sweet lady, John's a nice lad too. I'd really like an opportunity to work with her dad someday, well a boy can dream.

Got off early from work after a really early start, the sun is shining and I have got lots of boring stuff done. Have drunk some cider and am listening to Al Green singing Beatles songs

Does it get any better then that?

Heard on the radio this morning that London's indy station XFM will be 10 years old tomorrow. the DJ asked the listeners what they should do to celebrate.

"How about playing something new, instead of the same bloody Kasabian and Arctic fucking Monkeys songs you have been playing for as long as I can remember" I thought.

When the station started I remember the DJs were allowed to choose every fourth record which allowed a bit of variation, now it is so heavily playlisted that listening to XFM on the way to work is like listening to the same CD everyday, week in week out only with the added annoyance of adverts and inane chat.

We are speeding down a mountain road somewhere on the Mediterranean coast of France, Mr Wolf and I. From behind the passenger in the black Mercedes saloon chasing us opens fire with an automatic pistol.

Rat'a'tat tat the bullets thud into the road surface, sending up sherds of tarmac, as Mr Wolf takes evasive action. I lean out of the window and shoot off a few rounds from my Heckler and Koch semi-automatic. From above a Black Hawk helicopter looms down on us machine guns blasting 7.62mm shells along side our vehicle, Mr Wolf floors the accelerator as I cling on for dear life. Tearing round a mountain bend the road is blocked by Challenger 2 Tank. The turret swivels bringing its 120mm cannon to bear on us, There is no choice, Mr Wolf bears of the road through the crash barrier and we are airborne hundreds of feet above the breakers pounding the rocks below.

"We're going to die 007!" I shout as the wind whistles through the open window.

"No need to worry" says Mr Wolf flipping a switch on the dashboard. Wings sprout from the vehicle's side and a prop from the rear springs into life, the car banks steeply up into the air as Mr Wolf pulls back the steering wheel.

"Thank god for Q and his marvellous inventions!" I exclaim.

Pulling a latex mask from his face Mr Wolf says "Sorry wrong Ian Fleming fantasy" as he reveals his true persona as Dick Van Dyke.

"Oh you pretty Chitty Bang Bang"

Silently I open the door and cast myself into the sea.

One of my designer chums treated me to lunch at Jamie Oliver's Fifteen restaurant today.

It was very good, I had beef carpaccio to start, lovely moist red beef with horseraddish and herbs, followed by Arctic char with a medley of mushroom, courgette and peppers - not had char before the flavour was similar to trout but a little meatier - and to finish a delicious raspberry meringue, very light with the tart lemon counterpointing the sweetness of the raspberry.

The restaurant is on two levels the upstairs being an informal trattoria and the downstairs being the main dining room where you can watch the food preparation through a porthole to the kitchen. Good atmosphere, attentive staff and great food. A bit expensive at about £40 per person before drinks and coffee, but you get a good sized portion for your money and its very tasty.

Recommended for an extra special treat: fifteen, 15 Westland Place, Islington N1

Mrs F tagged me with this a while back, ,so I thought I better get around to it. I found it difficult to decide on one so I chose three

I'd like to be Dr Watson (as Conan Doyle wrote him, not the buffoon played by Nigel Bruce in the Rathbone movies) as he was clever and reliable, and a good friend to Sherlock Holmes without Holmes's mental problems, drug addiction and depression,

Or Stephen Maturin the ship's surgeon, naturalist and sometimes spy - the brainy foil to Patrick O'Brian's Captain Jack Aubrey in Master and Commander

or Richard Sharpe who despite being a right thug is still galant to the ladies and looks great in tight breeches

This one is good for a rainy evening, when the public transport lets you down and work has been pretty bloody awful all week, mind you I'm a bit late bloggin it as I have been (a) mostly drunk (b) entertaining and (c) earning a few pennies writing a feature article.

OK lets get started, you can vary the ingrediants to take in whatever is in the shops.

Right on with some soothing music and its long forgotton prog rockers Lone Star kicking the sounds off with Bells of Berlin whoagh! big Ouzo Special in the glass and two chopped onions, a leek and six chopped garlic cloves in the pan with some oil.

To start the Iberian flavour off chop up a chorizo into thinish slices, chuck it in and watch all the lovely fat colour the onions, then chiuck in a couple of chopped chilis with the seeds, two teaspoons of Pimenton, some black pepper and some mixed herbs. Let it all sizzle away on a low heat as you chop up the veg.

Chop up two spuds into small chunks and slice up two carrots and two parsnips, chuck them in and give it a stir. Then chop up four chicken breasts into bite size pieces and chuck them in too. Once the chicken has sealed top up the pan with a chaep white wine like Sainsbury's own brand Sicilian or dry Spanish table wine. Bring to the boil, then turn it down to a simmer, add a chicken stock cube cover and just leave it for ages to have a bit of fun or a kip or whatever.

An hour and a half later serve it up on a bed of cous cous. You can also use the stock as a soup.

We had this with more Sicilian white wine, then some palinka and then some more ouzo.

Cooking Music: Todd Rundgren, White Stripes, the Who, the Yardbirds, Small Faces, Velvet Underground, the Zombies, the Trifids, Sisters of Mercy, the Mission, Searchers, Motorhead, the Kinks, Paul Revere and the Raiders, Stranglers, Spencer Davies Group, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Richard thompson, NASA, Joolz, Cocteau Twins, Mamas and the Papas, Peter Hammill, ZZ Top, Chuck Berry, Patti Smith, the Nice, Fontella Bass

Some of my pals went to the Harry Potter premiere the other night and said it was a much darker more adult film.

I thought hmmn who should do the next one it should be someone who can bring a new perspective on the series. So the answer is obvious - Martin Scorcese plus while we are about it a Tarantino script. Joe Pesci could be Hagrid (well if he stood on a box), Harvey Keitel Dumbledore, Cher Professor McGonigle, Robert di Niro Milfoy's dad and wouldn't Al Pacino be fab as Professor Snape.

Anyone got any other suggestions

Well shipmates the weekend is almost upon us and time to brooch the hooch we brought back from Crete

Hands up everyone who bought a bottle of Ouzo and then wondered why when they got home? We bought four as you can make this great long drink with it and its much cheaper than Pernod or Ricard.

As mixed for me by my celeb guest chef Riordan Gamsey

"Pint Pot

Ouzo inch

lime cordial splash

Sprite Lite top up

grenadine splash

Ouzo Special done

Now fuck off! eh Cook where's the fookin Buckfast"

Charmer isn't he. You should only use a tiny splash of Grenadine to give it some colour, it goes a marvellous pearly girly pink.

In the future I'm hoping to have some more of my celeb chef pals on the site. I know Amelia Spliff wants to demonstrate a recipe from her new book Cooking for Total Idiots. I think it was making a glass of water using only a tap and a glass, Huge Furry Whitgenstein said he'd like to do a deviled cow pat from his own herd and Gary Toads just wants to be unbearably smug with a dusting of caster sugar, while Keith Drunk said he'd just like to get pissed.

Sign in local snackbar "Salt Beef Bloomers" I think this is taking biodegrading clothing too far, I'm sticking with cotton!

What is it with mobile phones and those bloody cyborg headsets that turns people's brains into jelly?

This morning I was in the loo when some suit comes in yakking into his mobile and takes a piss while he is still talking into it. Did the person on the other end think it was raining or did he understand that the talker was just too busy to keep those should be private moments, private. Also does he think anyone else using the bog wants their excretory sound effects broadcast over the O2 network.

Naturally, had I been able at the time, I would have been tempted to poduce as much rear end sound effects as possible (no concerns about IP rights there). But here is a suggestion if someone phones you from the khazi why not put them on speaker phone so that everyone else in the office can enjoy it!

Here are a few tips that might be handy if you are planing a trip to Crete or any part of Greece.

If anyone in your party is at university, make sure they have their student card with them as it will get them into many of the national monuments, archeological sites and museums for free so long as they can prove they are a student from an EU country. The same is true for EU pensioners and people under 18, where a photocopy of the picture page of your passport with your date of birth will do. Journalists from the EU can also get into most of them for free on production of a press card.(This is also true for many other EU countries)

Avoid half board deals, the standard of hotel food can be disappointing, its worth searching for restaurants with local cuisine. Places used by office workers or truck drivers often offer very reasonable cafeteria food with local dishes like stuffed veg.

When visiting churches and monasteries make sure you have clothing that covers your shoulders and legs (this applies to fellows too), otherwise you may cause offence.

The toilets can be a bit grim as the Greeks don't put toilet paper down the loo, prefering to put it into a bin instead. Apparently this is because the drains and sewars can't cope with the paper waste. This also the case in many parts of Turkey.

Health ands safety just does not seem to have taken off in Greece, so take care walking around. Pavements generally are uneven, may just vanish into a pile of scree and are frequently used for parking scooters, dumpsters, menu boards etc, rather than for for walking on without getting run over. Deep pits and big drops are seldom railed off so be especially careful in the dark if you have had a few. In many of the archeological sites there are very dangerous trip hazards.

There are some very nasty insects that can bite you. In Athens I had a nasty reaction to mosquito bites and the skin on my back became very sore and inflamed, if this happens to you see a pharmacist and they will sell you some ointment that clears it up a treat and does not cost a bomb.

As part of the EU you can get some treatment on the Greek NHS, so make sure you have your health card with you and travel insurance.

Power cuts happen occasionaly so its handy to have a small torch.

Currency is Euros which is great as you can keep any left over cash to use when you next go on holiday in the Euro zone. Credit cards are accepted in many places, but not as frequently as in the UK. There are loads of ATMs for getting cash out at better rates than Bureau de Changes, hotels or banks offer.

A good local beer is Mythos. Expect to pay about 3 Euros for a pint.

It's safe to drink the tap water, but the chemicals used to treat it can upset your stomach, bottled water is quite cheap just 50 cents a litre in some supermarkets, 20 cents for a small bottle

Oh and its very hot out there at the moment so don't forget sun creams, hats etc and to drink plenty of water etc.

Back to work today, it was as I expected quite horrid!

Anyway did this last night for Old Nick the Moff and Mrs F. Its sort of inspired the cuisine of Greece and Cyprus, with a couple of adaptations made to take account of what Cook had knocking around in the galley.

First I made a marinade out of the juice of a lemon, a good slosh of vinigar from a jar of red cabbage, six crushed garlic cloves five chopped birds eye chile peppers, some mixed dried herbs and a couple of twists of freshly ground black pepper. Dumped a pack of lamb chunks in it, sloshed them around and then drizzled some orange blossum honey over the top and slammed it in the fridge for a couple of hours.

Later as I was waiting for the stuffed vegetables to finish cooking (see recipe way back) I cubed a pack of Halloumi (That white squeaky cheese from Cyprus) and alternately threaded the meat and cheese onto four skewers. Wallp the kebabs onto a grill pan and pour the rest of the marinade over the kebabs and stick them under the grill turning occasionally until the meat is cooked through.

I served this up with stuffed peppers, tomatoes and aubergine, and some humus and pitta bread. Drink Mavrodaphne of Patmos sweet red Greek wine (you can get this in Morrisons) a bottle of Italian Soave and Mrs F did some lovely chocy mouses which we had with coffee and Metaxa 5 Star Brandy (I don't care for the 8 Star its too sweet).(Still havn't got the caramelised marinade off the grill pan though)

Music NASA, Motorhead, the Pirates, a bit of Cuban Gloria Estefan, Helloween, Thea Gilmore, Uli Jon Roth, Joe Elliott, the Doors, Linkin Park, New Model Army, Rod Stewart, Cream, Robert Plant, the Stranglers, Eddie Cochrane, dead Kennedys, Stray, the Jam and Derek and the Dominoes.

What a bloody performance

Left the Hotel about half six had to cross busy road full of local lunatics in pick up trucks and scooters, to board coach also driven by a nutter to get on way to airport. I hadn't noticed before, but there were loads of fruit stalls on the motorway from the resort to Heraklion, set up by the motorway crash barrier (where it existed) so motorists (nutters) could stop and buy oranges and cherrys on blind corners and other such safe places.

Got to the airport and naturally it was total bedlam, had to wait in line outside for 20 minutes as it was too crowded, then line up again to weigh the bags, then take the bags to another place to have them checked in as the the airport only has one scanner, then passports, then security complete with those stupid little bags for liquids etc.

Flight wasn't too bad as I managed to sleep part of the way, but was gald to get off the plane and discover that passport controll has been rebranded as UK Frontier with all new fascia and signs (I'm so pleased to see that my hard earned cash is being siphoned off by the government to pay image consultants for this kind of wasteful nonsense). Apparently security at the "UK Border" has also been improved which really means you have to wait even longer for some bored uncivil servant to indolently scan your passport to determine whether you are an evil asylum seeker or a criminal mastermind. Fuck me its nearly as bad as getting into America.

Eventually home by 12.30 ish and completely knackered.