Day three and it was time to wave goodbye to Capt Nick and his crew after buying a new set of colours at the Electric Parade, visiting John Knox's House and then eating our fill at the Buffet King an eat as much as you can Chinese in Nicholson Street (£5.99 per person I think), Capt Nick laid down the dubloons and we saw them off on the jolly boat to the airport.

The Moff and I then went to the Edinburgh Dungeon to enjoy some of the city's more gruesome past, got £3 off by presenting the vouchers printed on the back of our bus tickets too. Bit too much audience participation for my liking but nothing a scurvy pirate can't handle.

The evening was spent at the Ghandi in East Fountain Bridge, I had a splendid chicken shashlik, sizzling hot with onions and peppers, Moff the Vindaloo and Mrs F the Green Herb chicken plus naans, rice and veg dishes and a bottle of house white all for under £60, lovely it was.

Day four off to the Ocean terminal to see Pirates of the carribbean three, don't know what that was all about? home tomorrow

well it must be for letting the pirate crew storm Hadrian's wall and invade Edinburgh. We arrived Saturday night, a bit too knackered for pillaging, but received a warm welcome from the Moff.

Sunday Capt Nick, wench Jo and the powder monkey arrive and head for town, a pint of Deuchars in Cook's favorite pub the Ensign Ewart by the Castle then down to St Giles to enjoy the stained glass ( fantastic Morris & Co window by Burne-Jones) then back to Moff's brig for a fish supper from the Central Fish Bar (15-16 Teviot Place) I had a Haddock fish supper for £5.20 plenty of chips and a very large helping of fish lovely it was.

This morning we headed for the zoo with the powder monkey, lovely day out even if most of the animals were either hiding or asleep, lots of baby gentoo penguins though very cute indeed, plus pygmy hippo, Indian Rhino, Maned wolves, Painted hunting dogs and a wolverine, never seen one of those before, back to the flat and I rustled up a chicken and mushroom pesto pasta dish, everyone stuffed and happy, mission accomplished I think

Let's see what happens tomorrow

Mrs F and I re off to Scotland to see the Moff for a few days, so I thought I'd leave you all with a memmory of Hungary to be going on with.

There are lots of famous Hungarians Laslo Biro, Bela Bartok, Granville's Dad, Elizabet Bathory, Bela Lugosi and Count Dracula,this is cook's variation of a dish they all would have enjoyed (well except for Dracula. especially the garlic!)
Music Bartok Bluebeard's Castle

First sling some oil in the pan and heat it up, sling in two choped onions, a chopped chili or two and some chopped garlic say up to six cloves and a grind of black pepper, let it sizzle away for a bit until all the onion goes translucent. Chuck in about four teaspoons of Hungarian Paprika (at a pinch you could use Spanish Pimenton) give it a stir about then add the meat and a punnet of cherry toms. (I used a pack of Sainsburys Beef stewing steak) let the meat brown slightly as the tomatoes disintegrate, cover with water, put the lid on the pan and let it all cook away for at least an hour. Serve with some nice bread, some chopped beetroot with horseraddish sauce, saurkraut and red wine or beer.

If you have it you can also add a chopped smoked sausage for extra flavour, something like a Polish Cabanos is good and a swirl of sour cream.

Some people might like to add caraway seeds or celery, but they just ain't welcome in Cook's galley!

9.00 am come aboard the Chocolate Starfish
905 Grog
9.10 Teambuilding - three syndicates: deck swabbing, scouring Cook's copper bottoms and towing the barky with the ships boat
9.30 A lick of the cat with Bosun Gravy
9.45 Mr Padds gives the cat a towell to dry off
10.00 entering the dangerous sloping seas of the Isle of Kevin senior management get out and push
10.30 Spy some ramblers on the coastal; paths, Capt Nick beats to quarters Gunnery practice
11.00 disembark on Isle of Kevin greeted by Doris, more syndicate work cleaning up dog poo, replacing the toilet paper in the tea rooms after the ramblers have gone and washing Kevin's Roller
12.00 Lunch Lobscouse and ship's biscuit (at this point Mrs F goes to the tea rooms for some scones and jam)
12.05 Up Spirits more Grog
12.30 Ship's cat goes into hiding at the prospect of another lick
1.00 Pep talk from Derren Brown about project to toilet train all dogs on Isle by hypnosis
2.00 practical workshop making steps for toy dogs to access toilet bowls
3.00 team building artificial respiration for dogs who fall down the bowl
3.30 Board ship, search for rambers and Grog, sail for home

4pm Capt Nick runs out his plank for nautical fun and games!

4.30 Mrs F from the crow's nest calls "Man agement overboard" and the unruly seamen make all speed for home

I bought my Hungarian dubloons in Marks and Sparks, when I went to change the tiny amount left back into pieces of eight the teller told me that they could not change the 200 florint notes as they were too small and I'd have to change them at a bank, but she'd change the rest for me.

"Hold on matey" I said "either you change the lot or none of it!" and took it to the Post Office in Broadgate where a very nice counter clerk changed the whole lot no trouble.

Moral of the story - Marks and Sparks you ain't the only pebble on the beach so if you want to turn business away just carry on treating people like that.

Day three of our travels and the happy crew embarked on a trip to the suberbs on Hungary's railway network. From the centre of Budapest we followed the Danube north to the Roman site of Aquincum where we saw the Roman baths, covered market, temples and houses. As you can see they could do with a bit of DIY to fix them up

Back on the train we headed back into town getting out at Obuda, where we visited the freaky op art gallery of Victor Vaseraly at the Zichy Palace and the Imre Varga sculpture Gallery. Loads of interesting sculpture, drawings and sketches and some delightful ladies who opened up the sculpture garden for us, by the way this isn't them having a snooze on the job.

Then lunch at a cafe in the town square overlooking the 18th century sentry box that guards the Fotor Palace. We all had Goulash Soup and drinks for about £17 the lot of us then hopped back on the train to Budapest.

Back in the city we ventured over the Elizabeth Bridge into Pest, where we visited the Inner City Parish Church. This is one of the oldest buildings inthe city and still has a Turkish prayer niche - the only remnant of its time as a mosque during the Turkish occupation. A walk down the main shopping drag of Vaci Street brought us to the opulent St Stephen's Basillica a fine example of over the top Catholic Baroque splendor.

For our last evening in Budapest we went back to Tabani Gosser. It was saurkraut soup all round followed by Hungarian Beef Medallions for Cpt Nick, Beef in Paprika Stew for Mrs F and a jolly nice Roast Goose with Dumplings and Red Cabbage for me, with a side order of Saurkraut and Beetroot with Horse Raddish (this is a combo that really does work!) beer, vodka and a huge bottle of red wine all for £50. Then on to Lancid Sorozo for more beer, Palinka (local pear schnaps) and Unicum a local aperetif made from herbs that tastes like a nettle bush the ship's cat has pissed on (well at least that's what I imagine it tastes like not having sampled the latter).

After a good night's sleep we were up good and ready for our last day. The morning was spent at the Hungarian National Art Gallery - nice medieval gear, but then lots of very depessing art up to the late 19th century before some quite brilliant modern stuff.

We had lunch at the Gallery restaurant (cost about £30) bit disappointing - Goulash soup and very indifferent Paprika Chicken all served very slowly and tepid, by a waiter who was very keen to tell us service wasn't included, my tip, you don't get one mate if you try to intimidate us into giving you one.

Then on to the Castle History Museum to discover more of the history of Budapest, before returning to Lancid Soroso for a farewell drink and on to the Airport with another nutter in a Transit for our trip home. Brief shop for grog, chili sauce and paprika for the Cook's Galley before the flight and into the happy welcoming arms of the folk of UK immigration at Luton. They are always so happy to meet people judging by the time they take.

All in all a very nice little break, good value and (mostly) very good food and drink. Go see it now before it gets spoilt!

Day two and we were off for some more breakneck sightseeing. Heading down the bank of the Danube to the Gellert Hill. On the way we passed the Chain Bridge built by a Scotsman, Adam Clark, between 1839-49. This is what sculptor Imre Varga thought he looked like

We then yomped up to the Citadel (a fort built by the Austrians to intimidate the inhabitants of the city)On the way up we stopped to have a look at the St Gellert Monument (he got stuffed in a barrel and chucked in the Danube by some irate pagans, it was tough being an 11th Century Christian Bishop!)then on up the hill to the citadel where we visited the World War Two bunker that was the German/Hungarian HQ during the Red Army siege of Budapest in 1945.

Just time for some Goulash soup (watch out for Cook's recipe coming soon) and Langos (which are deep fried potato cakes) topped with mushrooms and tomato at the curiously named Il Gambero Rosso or the Red Prawn to you and me, a tasty snack at £15 for three with drinks and a cracking view of the city to boot.

Then on to the Liberation Monument to the south of the citadel raised to symbolise Hungary's liberation from Hitler by Stalin (the figure of the woman with the palm leaf was intended for a monument to Istvan Horthy the son of the Hungarian Regent lost on the Eastern Front but the Russians found it in the sculptor's workshop and said that will do nicely)

Bounding down from the heights of Gellart Hill we came to the rock church ( a church cut out of the rock) and then crossed the road to the Gellert Hotel where we had a look at the famous baths.

Then on to a tram to see the Gul Baba monument to the north of the castle. Gul Baba is the only Turk who has a fond place in the Hungarian history (Budapest was occupied by the Turks from 1541 - 1686) and is said to have introduced roses to the country. A lovely and peaceful Islamic garden surrounds his tomb. A quick Turkish coffee next door where we made friends with the owners' dogs and back on the tram to the hotel, funny how public transport abroad is more fun.

That evening we went over the Chain Bridge into Pest for dinner. We had been recomended the Gerbeaud Sorhaz a resturant with its own micro brewery, however the beer was "finished" as was much of the menu and even Martini! I had Goulash and Mrs F and Capt Nick had the Goose leg with red cabbage and dumplings. The food was quite nice, but the sevice very slow and a bit pricy at nearly £60 once drinks were included not recomended! Though it was amusing to watch the waiter guard a reserved table till the guests turned up only to be told that the kitchen had closed and they only had one salad left.

Still we followed this with a moonlit cruise up the Danube with some local Shampagne. From the river Budapest is absolutely gorgeous lit up at night. This was followed by a stroll up the river bank to the bridge and a night cap at Lancid Soroso (1011 Budapest Fo u 4) a nice little boozer chock full of rock and roll (and other junk) So ended day two

that was the order of the groundcrew, Capt Nick looked at his shipmates, the omens were not good as their boarding pikes, pistols and any liquid in containers of over 100ml had been confiscated at security.

We needn't have worried as they soon struck their colours (Orange as it was EasyJet)and served us some grog. At Budapest Airport (its tiny and has no rail connection to the city) we booked the Airport Minibus Shuttle (about a tenner return) and we were wizzed direct to our hotel in Buda by a nutter in a Transit.

Our ditty bags and papers safely stowed away we went in search of lunch. Spying some office workers going into the Gourmet Bistro (ut Fo), We followed and had a jolly good feed of Chicken battered flat in breadcrumbs and pumpkin seeds, sliced baked spuds layered with onions and beer, plus a bean stew for the wench all for about a tenner for the three of us!

Being well and truely stuffed we headed for the sights taking the funicular

up the hill to the castle, then wandered over to Fisherman's Bastion where we took a peek at the St Matyas Church and the Hungarian crown jewels

and then on the Museum of Military History where there was an interesting display of World War One Trench Art.

That evening we went in search of some typically Hungarian food and in the Tabani Gosser (1013 Atilla Ut) Mrs F and I enjoyed saurkraut soup with dumplings and beef in Paprika stew, while Capt Nick had Goulash soup and veal in paprika stew all in with beer about £30, not bad, then back to our hammocks to catch some zeds

The Cook likes a good historical adventure story and Cook's grandad was a trooper in the 1st Royal Dragoons, one of the last intake of soldiers to be trained to ride horses and chop people up with swords in fact, just after World War One it was.

So I really wanted to like Alan Mallinson's books about dragoon officer Matthew Hervey. This is the fifth of Hervey's adventures, this time set in 1820s India and Burma. On the plus side its a very well researched book and the action scenes around the siege of Bhurtpure are quite exciting. But there is too little action for my liking and long stretches of narrative in offices, stables and dining rooms. I also think that unlike Bernard Cornwell's Sharpe, Hervey is a gentleman officer and tries too hard to be a decent chap.

Sorry Brigadier Mallinson Cook wants more action less administration

Arr a big pirate welcome to new crewmates La Spice and Kevin Wilson sure to be a handsome addition to the scurvy crew of vagabonds sailing under the flag of Captain Nick, Leading Wench Mrs F and Petty Officer Walrus, otherwise known as the Ship's Cook.

Arr it be good to be back in a safe harbour after the hellish nightmare of another week at work so lets all have some grog and fall over.

Take a tumbler chuck in some ice fill halfway with a good gin like Bombay Saphire, Tanqueray, Larious or good old Plymouth Navy Gin. Top up with some red vermouth (I used Sainsbury's own brand, no point wasting dubloons on brands at twice the price for the red muck unlike the extra dry where I'd willingly pay extra for Noily Pratt) Take a wedge of orange squeeze it over the top, chuck it in the glass, slip on some sounds (Yngwie Malmsteen's album of covers right now - some work some don't, but always good to hear something new.) Drink up and contemplate the nautical high jinks to come.

Morning shipmates 'ere be a recipe for all you veggies as an alternative to my royal chili. This b'ain't one of cookies but one of leading wench Mrs F's recipes as you can tell cos it ain't got no grog or meat in it and contains scurvy lentils.

Ingredients

Filling
A couple of cups of mixed no need to soak lentils
1 medium size potato peeled and cubed
Tin of Kidney beans drained and rinsed
Chopped up onion
Loads of chopped up garlic
2 teaspoons ground cumin (jeera)
1 teaspoon of dried red chili powder
1 (or more) fat green chili according to taste
Some oregano
tomato puree
Some vegetarian stock (usually about one and a half pints)
A little olive oil for frying.

You will also need
A pack of soft flour tortillas

grated cheddar cheese (optional)

(Or you could used chapatis)

For topping
Some guacomole, some sour cream, some salsa

Method

Fry the spices, potatoes, onions and garlic in olive oil.

Add the stock and the herbs, add the lentils and cook according to instructions (usually about 20 mins to half an hour). Add the tinned beans and the tomato puree and cook for about 10 mins or so till nice and thick and tasty.

Now stuff the tortillas with the lentil mixture and some cheddar cheese if you like and roll them up like so they look like fat sausages and top them with a dollop each of guacamole, sour cream and salsa.

If you want a meat version of the above just subsitute mince for the lentils and fry the onions and spices and garlic and potatoes with the mince in stead of using olive oil as enough fat will come out of the mince.

This is one of the most popular dishes from Cook's galley combining the flavours of Mexico, Spain and either Newcastle or Ireland.

So pop open a bottle of Sol slap on some groovy tunes, I fancy a bit of the Rammones, always helps when chopping veg and lets cook.

Bung some olive oil in a pan and cook down some cherry tomaotoes until they can be easily sqaushed then add a can of tomato puree and good splash of vinigar from a pickle jar and say a pint of water. Let it cook away while you get on with the rest of the dish, but make sure the sauce does not boil dry.

Fry some chopped onions (red and white), six chopped garlic cloves and three chopped chili peppers (with seeds) in olive oil until the onions go translucent. chuck in a roughly chopped chorizo sausage and let the flavoured fat seep out and colour the oil for a couple of minutes, then add a pack of beef mince (size depends on how big a crew you are feeding). As the meat is browning add two teaspoons of Spanish pimenton, one teaspoon of garum masala, two teaspoons of French mustard and a squeeze of wasabi paste. then a generous grind of black pepper. Give it a good stir and then open a can of kidney beans (the 16p a can supermarket ones are fine)drain the liquid away and chuck the beans in the pan. Then add the tomato sauce, a dash of soy sauce, a dash of Worcester sauce and a beef stock cube, give it a stir and let the sauce bubble away.

To finish it off nicely pour a pint of Newcastle Brown Ale or a pint of Guinness (you can use any dark ale or stout you like) in the pot, cover and let it bubble away on a low heat, stiring occasionally until the sauce is nice and thick. This could take an hour or two so you will have run out of Rammones albums. Pour yourself a Newcastle Brown and put on some Lynryd Skyrnyrd to get yourself into that deep south mood and take a nap in your hammock.

Serve on a bed of rice with a nice salad and a handfull of grated cheese on the top. Good with beer or red wine. Yum

"Avast behind!" yelled Captain Nick as the scurvy crew wound the capstan and tossed their cable below decks.
"There's no need for personal remarks" replied Bosun Gravy, as the good ship Chocolate Starfish caught the tide. The unfurled sheets filled out with the early morning wind and the shrouds buzzed as the air filled with unmistakable sulpherous fumes of lobscouse, spotted dick and mild ale.

"Arr that must be cook scouring his copper bottoms again." remarked Leading Wench Mrs F flexing her magnificently tattooed biceps as she scaled the ratlines to the crow's nest and extended the top man's telescope.

"Deck Below" she cried "watch out you unruly seamen we be under attack, caught by the pincers of Cheryl's giant lobster, it must have broken out of Cook's study and its feeling mean!"

"Avast there Mrs F!" cried Cook
"Speak for yourself fatboy." she replied
"I have a vast vat of alioli sauce, some mixed leaf salad, vine tomatoes and a flagon of Matteus Rose."

"Huzzah for Cook we are all saved!" chanted the unruly seamen.

"Arr but first I need a hand with filleting the starters!"

A good pick me after a hard night, best drunk at the crack of noon, especially if you still are.

Take three pint pots, pour about an inch of vodka in each, split a litre of tomato juice between the three add a good shake of Worcester Sauce and grind in some black pepper, give it a stir then float a little fino sherry on the top and drink it.

you are supposed to add somw celery salt and a sprig of the evil veg too to the classic bloody Mary but screw that. If you do have some celery perhaps your local council will recycle it for you.

Today's recipe is a work of culinary archeology and forensics taking all you shipmates back to a time of hardtack, weavils, salt pork and the lash. Arrr.

First things first back in the days of sail an ordinary seaman got issued a gallon of beer a day,(that's eight pints to you metric lubbers) better get started on that then. Glug, glug Arr that's better

Ok this dish should be made with corned pork and corned beef which needs to be boiled in seawater for hours to soften up. Sod that we live in the 20th century so use a packet of chopped panchetta and a tin of corned beef.

Chop the corned beef into quarter inch cubes and chuck it in a pan with the panchetta to cook in their own fat with a bay leaf until browned off. Take the meat out of the pan and set aside. Then add a little oil to the pan and chuck in two chopped onions and two chopped leeks and fry until they go translucent add three spuds chopped into quarter inch squares and stir it about adding about half a teaspoon of all spice and the same of ground cloves, cayenne pepper and nutmeg, a couple of blades of mace, six crushed juniper berries and about three crushed cardoman pods. Sling the meat back in and top up with beef stock (or sling in two pints of water and a stock cube)

Let it all simmer away till the spuds are soft enough to eat, then thicken up the liquid with some ship's biscuit. As this ain't easy to find these days I took six oat cakes, put them in a plastic bag, walloped them with a hammer and then slung them in.

Serve up on a plate with some crusty bread to mop up the sauce. Serves three.

Captain Nick said it reminded him of something his dad cooked when he was in the Navy.

Soundtrack: Kaiser Chiefs, Julie Driscoll, Motorhead, Carl Perkins, REM, New York Dolls, Led Zep, Slade, Gun Club, Edgar Broughton, Captain Beefheart, Robyn Hitchcock, Dream Syndicate, the Damned, The Ethiopians, the Skatellites, the Selector, Siouxsie, the Saints, the specials, Desmond Dekkar, classic period Hawkwind and Willie Nelson

Another quick and easy meal fromthe Cook's galley. It makes a great Saturday lunch to eat in the garden if the weather is nice, with a jug of the Cook's Sangria or a nice big bottle of St Miguel or Cruzcampo lager.

Mood music I'd say slap on the best piece of Spanish music ever written by a Frenchman namely Carmen or perhaps Rimsky Korsakov's Spanish fantasy. With some salad this should serve three or four people. Have a splash of vino tinto and get cooking.

First cut up three medium spuds into small cubes, bung tham in a pot of boiling water until they are soft enough to eat but not soggy. While they are boiling away chop up two large onions, six cloves of garlic and two chili peppers and sling them in a pan with some oil, fry until the onions go transparent. Chop a nice chorizo sausage into chunks, chuck it in the pan and let it sweat out some of that gorgeous pimenton flavoured fat, chuck in the spuds and some herbs (coriander is good) and grind in some black pepper. Let the flavoured fat taint the spuds for a few minutes before pouring in six beaten eggs. Let the bottom half cook then stick the pan under the grill to cook off the top half.

As I said its good with salad as a main meal or if you have a full crew cut into wedges and serve it as tapas along with some olives, wedges of Manchego cheese, boccaroni (these are small fish in vinegar), pickled squid or octopus, sardines, coleslaw, potato salad etc.

Yum

This is one for those days when you get home from a hard days pillaging and want something simple and tasty.

Slip a couple of relaxing tunes on the stereo like maybe some ZZ Top, Captain Beefheart or a bit of early 70s Iggy (none of that rubbish from the late 70s and early 80s mind) and pour yourself a nice pint of Adnams bitter, Arr that's better

Heat some oil in a pan and chuck in a chopped onion, about six smashed garlic cloves and two or three chopped chilli peppers. Grind in some black pepper and fry on a low heat till the onions go soft and translucent. Have a slurp while you are waiting and put on some decent Blue Oyster Cult preferably Agents of Fortune or Fire of Unknown Origen.

Add a teaspoon or so of cinnamon and a punnet of chopped fresh mushrooms. Add a dash of soy sauce and cook down until the liquid starts to come out of the mushrooms, then add two teaspoons of Dijon mustard, about a glass of sherry (or vermouth or white wine if you like) some herbs (I used some fresh parsley and coriander that I had left over from making some meatballs the other day), a slurp of vinegar (mine came from a jar of pickled red cabbage so it helped the colour along too), a tin of tomato puree and then about two pints of water. Crumble in a stock cube, then bring to the boil, chuck in your pasta then turn down the heat and let it simmer away until the liquid has reduced and the pasta is ready to eat. As I've said before quantities are never exact in the Cook's galley so how much pasta you use really depends upon how big a crew you are cooking for and how hungry they are.

For a bit of variety you could always bung a tin of tuna fish in though make sure its the kind in oil not brine and use the oil for frying (Cook can't stand waste).

Turn it out on a plate chuck some grated cheese, Parmesan, Chedder or whatever you fancy, and chow down. I'd recommend a nice Italian red with this like a Barolo, Chianti or a Valpolicella.

Another of the Cook's book reviews here and I have to confess an interest in this publication as Eugene is a mate.

Anyhow set in an alternative 2008, after much of Europe and North America was devastated by the nuclear war that followed the Cuban missile crisis a weird thing is happening. People who died between the ages of 5 and 55 are being reborn fully formed with their memories intact. A reborn Richard III is on the throne presiding over a tolerant democratic society, but there is a plot by reborn puritan extremists to replace him with someone more favourable to their cause. It's up to a reborn slave and WW2 fighter pilot both now serving as police officers to thwart the plot. Kind of like Life on Mars on overdrive.

A fantastic gripping read, that is really well historically researched, you might have to buy it second hand as it is now out of print, but worth the search.